Sunday, October 21, 2018

The complexity of “How are you?”

So many things to write about. I have an idea for a blog post at least twice, sometimes three days a week. So, why has it been so long since I wrote. Well, life is busy. That’s not really an excuse.....maybe more of a fact. I just don’t have the time to write like I would like to. 

But here I am. Finally with a few minutes.....

I had a conversation with someone recently. She was telling me a story about someone she knew who had something terrible happen to her. She said the woman told her about being asked how she was doing several months after. The woman talked about how much she appreciated someone checking on her, even when it may have been an uncomfortable or loaded question....  

“How are you?” 

Sometimes that can be a loaded question. Sometimes it is a question people don’t want to ask because they are afraid of the answer. 

The person I was talking to said she took an important lesson from that conversation. A lesson I learned a long time ago. 

People generally are nervous about asking how someone is after a challenging time.....death, illness, traumatic event......because they don’t want to “remind them of what happened by asking.” I have had people say that to me. They wanted to ask how I was doing after each of our losses. Or even today....more than three years after our last. But they didn’t want to remind me of what happened....especially after the last one.....

Didn’t want to remind me......

I never forget.

Not a day goes by that I don’t remember. I know exactly what happened to us. I’m never going to forget. I cannot forget, nor do I really want to. 

So, you asking me how I am doing, is not going to being back a rush of bad memories. It is not going to plunge me back into a depressive state. I promise. 

Asking me how I am doing is nice. For a few minutes the weight of it lifts a little. Even now. 

Never be afraid to ask. You never know when you might be asking someone how they are just when they need you to the most.